The difference between “hitting back” and “reacting”
Why hitting back at bullies won’t work
The difference between “hitting back” (which they don’t want and will stop them) and “reacting” (which is what they want and they will keep going) is thus:
- Hitting back is premeditated, in other words an action planned to match an attack, not respond to it.
- Hitting back has equal clout as the attack.
- Hitting back is “defending yourself”, although schools and workplaces particularly try to not see it that way.
- Reacting is when the pain of the victim is shown to the bully in a hope that the bully will take some responsibility for their actions. They won’t. That is the nature of bullying.
In nice corporate terms: hitting back is making a complaint to someone who can do something about a product or service. Reacting is having a moan to someone who cannot do anything to rectify the problem. In a way, reactions are a continuation of the bullying cycle, which is why it makes bullies carry on when get a reaction.
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