More about The Release Valve Theory

This gave me power over the situation. I had a choice, which was to either to not react to the tension by diving straight into my work or if it was too uncomfortable, to leave. I resigned from my job but did seriously consider putting a lawyer on them. However, what was of more use to me was the discovery that I had a learned behaviour which made me a regular target for bullies. Priceless.

You don’t get anything from blaming other people for things that don’t work in your life. If other people are to blame, what can you do? Nothing. Therefore, forget blame and focus on responsibility. Notice the word ‘response’ in responsibility. The word blame is not in there. Someone who is always a victim of misfortune is not great fun to hang around with.

However, we all face genuine bad luck and misfortune sometimes and are the cause of things going wrong at other times. The best place to be is where you can identify times when your own speech and actions create patterns in the reactions you get from various sorts of people ranging from strangers to family. It’s like doing a jigsaw.

Pieces

You wouldn’t start with the middle pieces of blue sky to solve a puzzle depicting a sunny Cornish beach scene would you?

As a rule, experiences you have before you are 18, or while adults are still responsible for you, are not always in your control. That does not mean that you can spend your life saying ‘because my mum did that to me’ or ‘I say that because my dad lost his job at a crucial time in my life’. You would be the loser if you did that.

When you realise you are in control of what happens to you, it becomes time to start removing the negative effects or feelings of blame you might have accumulated when things happened to you at the point when adults had control over your life.

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