How to Not Let Bullies Get What They Want
What I am doing, and would like you to join in with, is looking at bullying with curiosity and interest, to understand this facet of human behaviour.
I am going to dissect it and find clues as to how to defuse a bully in full flow. It’s probably that some nasty, violent bullying won’t be alleviated by this book, as books only reach certain groups of society.
However, I will put takeaway menu at the end of the book to include games, ideas, films to watch and other things to do that could seep outwards to more people through schools, responsible adults and people who do read this who can make a difference.
There is a simple thread that is present in all types of bullying. The optimal one is that bullying is not personal. It feels very personal. It seems personal. But it simply is not. Why? Because it’s not about you. It’s always about the bully. They are in their own world, unaware of the impact they are having on you. They feel impotent, powerless and ineffective.
Bullies are lashing out in frustration and want to get the response that allows them to do that. When you are being bullied, I know you won’t believe me, but you have the power. Now I’m going to find ways to show you how to recognise that power and scare off the bully.
When someone bullies someone else they are giving away all their personal power. They just look damn stupid, though it may not be apparent at the time. Sometimes it is difficult to know if you are being bullied, particularly if the bully is a person who you would not expect to bully you. This might be a professional such as a teacher.
It may be a parent or someone in a position of authority. There is a word for this which is role power bullying, when someone uses their position to relieve their frustrations on other people. Sadly, in the passive aggressive country known as Britain, this happens far too often. Just noticed back there I wrote a parent and it sounds like apparent. I want to make it apparent to you now.
The easiest bullies to call to account are those in positions of power, I believe. Not in every case, but for the most part, once you can recognise when you are not being treated as you should by someone put in charge of you, the easiest it is to find a way to get them to stop.